Like all conscientious parents we baby proofed our apartment. We put the medicines and cleaning products in the highest cupboards. We covered the plug sockets with those plastic contraptions that basically mean you can no longer use any electric appliances. We even bought those stick on cupboard locks to keep meddling fingers out of mischief. I thought I would be tricky and decided to mix things up and buy different types..... what I didn't take into account was the Izzy factor. In order to open one of the locks you must first master a pincer movement and be able to squeeze a plastic disc hard enough to remove it from the holder. Well that seems to be what the manufacturers had in mind. It took Iz about 30 seconds to figure out she could grab the plastic that joined the two discs with her chubby 9 month old fists, pull hard and explode the lock while we watched on flabbergasted. At least as a game it kept her amused for almost a week. Cupboard lock mark 2 fared better.. I think it held out for about an hour of scrutiny before she cracked it.
It was a similar story when we bought a nifty little sucker device to keep bowls attached to the table. No sooner had we sat down to eat than Iz had wiggled a little finger under the edge of the sticky plastic, breaking the seal and freeing the bowl. Convinced we were raising a potential safe cracker we gave it a second try and this time she decided that that wiggly finger stuff was too much trouble. She grabbed the bowl with two hands and ripped the sucker off the table...scattering breakfast cereal as far as the eye could see. Once again brute strength won out.
It seems she will go to any lengths to try and scare the life out of me. Last week her 'hair whitening' method of choice was drinking shampoo. Luckily it was the thrice rinsed empty bottle she dug out from the recycling bag but she somehow managed to eke a big enough frothy mouthful to make her retch. A quick call to the Korean version of poison control reassured us that she would be fine so long as she drank some water and ignored the bottle's instruction to rinse and repeat. She seems to have a gut of iron so she was no worse for the ordeal, however, it really got me thinking. I had recently watched the following clip..
As much as the woman in the clip bugged me with her repetitive hand gestures she raised some interesting points. I don't wear anywhere close to the number of products she mentions.. I generally wash my hair once a week and very rarely wear lotions or makeup (but that could all change once father time decides to start really having fun with me). Also I always try to be critical of the things I read or watch so understand that she has to make a living too, but if like me you have sat in the tub reading the back of your shampoo bottle you will know most of the ingredients have an incredible number of syllables... and if it is that difficult to name chances are it isn't natural. The more I thought about it the more I realized my home was just packed with mundane poisons... things I was so accustomed to that they seemed benign yet every one of them carried a warning to seek medical help if ingested... I envisioned MANY more calls to poison control as Izzy has mastered the art of 'getting something to stand on'. It is only a matter of time before she fashions suction shoes from the toilet plunger and walks her way up the walls, thus giving herself unchecked access to all things deadly. But shampoos and whatnot haven't been around forever so I decided to seek out alternatives that wouldn't leave my kids literally foaming at the mouth. Here are some of my findings...
...instead of shampoo I can use baking soda massaged into the scalp and then rinsed with water.... sounds interesting, and if my hair is dry I can use olive oil or eggs as natural alternatives to conditioner. As most girls know, sugar is a great exfoliant and if I want to freshen things up I can turn to lemon juice for a nice zesty boost. I can also use the baking soda to brush my teeth.
I have decided to give it a go... I figure the worst that happens is that I have to call the landlord and explain why there is a lemon meringue pie wedged in the bathroom plumbing, while looking somewhat bedraggled and greasy. I will be sure to let you know how my experiment turns out either way.
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